Manifesting

I’ve been reflecting on how the universe guides us right to where we need to be. How what we send out manifests our futures. So what does manifestation look like to someone who struggles with mental health struggles? Does all of my daily anxiety and depression manifest my future-if so I’m in trouble. Or do those moments of clarity and centered mindfulness manifest…

Tonight I am trying to find my center and bring my mind back from a rather bleak space. I’m sending out a prayer, a song made of a thousand hallelujahs, a sigh full of relief and release. I’m calling for the universe to bring me where I need to be and allow me the strength to know what voices to listen to inside my head. To allow for good people to join me in my path and for a safe space for me to be my entire self.

Bring on the good ju ju 🖤🖤🖤

Touching the Extremes

I have failed at sticking to my goal of posting daily; however, I will get back on track starting NOW!

I have been struggling pretty hard lately with depression and am climbing out of what seems to be a pretty deep depression hole. Yet, with the help of friends and looking towards new and old goals with fresh insight is allowing me to take hold of my present moment more and more. I sometimes struggle with living in the future possibility rather than the present moment. I think dwelling on what could be is a distraction from dealing with the ongoing struggles I face living with mental health issues and just the ebb and flow of life. Not that I think living with bipolar disorder is completely a curse, unlike most I have a unique opportunity of touching the extremes of existence without any drug. I scrape the depths of despair and the bleak nothingness that is nonexistence while also swinging towards euphoric highs that blissfully entangle me with the heavens. Much like nature, I am polar. I am complex. I see the corners of existence and no matter how hard I try I can never brush anything under the rug. I am perfectly me as I traverse the ebb and flow of life.

With that being said, I hope to take this little corner of the inter webs I have woven for myself and continue to create community, share my journey and make space for others to do so as well, and ultimately kick ass while saving our planet from climate catastrophe. Anyone else in?

I am in total formulation mode with what all of that looks like as a business but am hoping to join my love of farming, food justice, community, inclusivity, and education into a powerful transforming model of business that represents the future of our planet rather than what has been.

Community Based vs Gift Based Holidays

I have a few thoughts about the current holiday season as we happen to find ourselves in the thick of it. Does anyone else feel pressure to spend money they don’t have on gifts that might be relevant for at most a couple of days? I want to explore how we can shift the association of holidays with getting/giving material possessions to a different kind of present (or better yet presence).

For years I have struggled with spending copious amounts of money I don’t have on gifts for my family and friends. Why does our culture focus so much on material wealth vs creating memories/spending time not $$/making meaningful connections over a time meant to celebrate a slowing down after a hard years work (post harvest).

I guess I am wondering about ways that I (and anyone out there in the void) can practice spending time not money, other non-consumer based traditions people practice, and other quirky things you can give via creating. Any ideas?

The Farm Sexual

I suppose it’s time to dive into the juicy shit. Figuratively. I would like to introduce the term farm sexual and farmcore for general public use. Yes, I identify as a farm sexual (folks who wear carhartt black/tan overalls, boots only acceptable at punk shows, and who generally look like your neighborhood barista but work in the sun all day). One mustn't be too picky while looking for love. There isn’t anything more attractive than a punk kid cultivating fields, tbh. Unfortunately, I have yet to find one that isn’t snatched.

I’ve been living with pretty bad seasonal depression…..cough, cough…..chronic depression/bipolar disorder……I mean seasonal depression recently. The rain in North Cali is nice, it beats down on my tin roof and is really quite magical; however, being trapped inside most of the time is difficult for Blue and I.

Anyway, to help sooth the mind fuck that is being cooped up all day my go-tos are lavender essential oil, chamomile rose tea, ashwagandha, and I like burning thyme and rosemary sprigs.

I am also quite excited to be starting an all women’s book club with friends. Our first book is Emergent Strategy by Adrienne Brown. I highly recommend for all farmers, women, men, and educators to take a look at this gem. She is super inspirational while urging us to be resilient in the face of a changing climate. Even in the wake of complete chaos and turmoil.